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- exclusive by Kalindi for the Fae News and City Report
The Gnome Rights Coalition today threatened further strikes as part of its ongoing campaign for equal rights in public facilities accommodations, “Equal Rights for Unequal Heights!” Uneasy Baltimore citizens may recall the overflowing orange sewage in Woodberry and the broken water main downtown, both results of the largely-underground gnome riots of 2013. Both Seelie and Unseelie queens worked together that year to broker a deal for more potatoes and more sick leave for the gnomes who keep our underground services running smoothly. The Gnome Rights Coalition has said to expect more flooding if this year’s demands are not satisfactorily addressed. This year’s campaign focus is on public toilets sized for our smaller denizens.
“I notice,” said Elder Grubhunter, an assistant foreman in the Gnome Pipe-workers’ Union, “That our larger brethren, the giants, have any number of larger toilet stalls sized for them. In fact, theirs have a special designation of ‘handicapped’ so that most humans won’t use them, leaving those stalls open for giants’ exclusive use. Meanwhile, I need to carry a stepladder everywhere I go in case I have to take a [bathroom break]! As it is, my aim is really stretched to its limits, and most times everything ends up on the toilet seat or the floor. Not my fault. And it all comes back to one thing: size-ism! Just because I can’t squish you into jelly doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to [urinate] in peace.”
Her Serene Seelie Majesty Queen Shaylea III of the Aubergine Faeries has expressed her sympathies to our smaller citizens’ plight, and has pledged to work to make the realm of Baltimore friendlier for everyone, regardless of size. In fact, we can exclusively reveal that the May coronation ceremony will feature both standard-size facilities and others sized to gnomes, pixies, and smaller pwca – look for the signs! Her Excellent and Supreme Unseelie Majesty Queen Naimah I of Amandari has suggested the gnomes should, “suck it up,” and relieve themselves wherever they feel moved to do so, if they can’t find a toilet that meets their needs. “After all,” remarked Queen Naimah’s spokesgoblin, “that’s what humans do.”
February's Fairy Tale readings included pirates, sea serpents and jellyfish, and a visit from Ariel, the little mermaid in her human form! The faeries are hoping you can bring your children March 28, when Fae Michele, Madam Make-Believe will be back! There are snacks! And usually balloons and/or facepaints!
On February 28th, despite the show (AGAIN), the local press came out also, and wrote this article: http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/north-baltimore/ph-ms-faerie-tells-0305-20150304-story.html
Thank you to Larry Perl, writer, and Steve Ruark, photographer! Excerpt:
"It's beautiful," Calloway said when asked why she brought Fiona and Fiona's sister, Etta, 1, to North Baltimore to participate in Faerie Tells, a new, monthly storytelling and play hour at the Episcopal church. "It's creative. You get to run around and have fun."
Faeries have a place in Calloway's world view. When asked whether she actually believes in them, she said, "I do in a way. There are a lot of mysterious things that happen — and faeries are mischievous."
The Baltimore region's surprisingly robust network of faerie enthusiasts is making plenty of mischief these days, much of it at Guardian Angel, 27th Street and Huntingdon Avenue, where they are organizing a Baltimore Faerie Faire, believed to be the first urban festival of its kind in the city.
The fest is set for May 16, two weeks after the 24th annual Spoutwood Farm May Day Faerie Festival, May 1-3 in Glen Rock, Pa. — considered the faerie godmother of faerie festivals — and a month before the 11th annual Maryland Faerie Festival, which is scheduled for June 14-15, in Darlington in Harford County.
Nina Amaya is the director of the Baltimore Faerie Faire and the Aubergine Faeries. She edits submissions from reporters such as Star Reporter Kalindi, the Winged Storyteller. We welcome your submissions!